The fear of change, and the fear of staying the same

Recently I decided MA wasn’t the state for me and it was that point in my life the relocation was the only answer. This whole process is moving quicker then i could imagine. Now I feel nervous and depressed. Yes, I want to leave, but I am starting over new. I know in my heart its time to leave. I have no friends around here anymore, and I want something new.

However as an introvert it scares the shit out of me. I hate meeting new people, and get terrified in the most basic situations. I’m also scared shitless to move. I don’t know if this is a good thing or the worst thing in the world for me.

I am also fearful that if I stay, bad habits will repeat themselves. The fact I’m scared, feel alone, and have no one to look to anymore is a recipe for a disastrous relapse, and that is the absolute lat thing I want. But if I feel is close and interment, is there power to stop?

I haven’t felt like this since February. And i hate that I do…

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