I haven’t posted in a while and this gets a little personal (must read if you’ve ever had chronic pain)…

It has been a while since I last posted for 1 reason: depression. I shut the world off for a while and said screw everyone. I have since started to come back around, but that’s not the reason for this post. A lot of my previous posts have been about my struggles with addiction, how I got down that road, and what I have done to try to overcome them. This is none of that.

This post is kind of how my addiction started; pain. I have for the past 4 years struggles with chronic knee pain. A lot of my friends, peers, and doctors have in their own way just thought it was a way for another addict to get what he wanted. This was never the case. I recently had some scans done and it was found I have almost no cartilage left in my right knee and the left wasn’t much better. Doctors also found a slight tear in my meniscus on my right knee. The theory has been the high impact my knees have taken over the years due to snowboarding, running, and the other like-sports since I was  (maybe 4?) young.

Lately the pain has started to progress and get worse. Long story short, my insurance won’t cover the surgery I need for my meniscus till basically it gets worse and I wind up in the E.R. unable to walk. They won’t prescribe me anything since it would be long term and, well, old habits die hard.

I have been attempting to hide this pain for 4 years now (and failing) but as it has gotten worse, I have fallen back to old habits. This time not completely out of addiction, this time out of not wanting to be in so much fucking pain 24/7. Anyone reading this who has had chronic 24/7 pain for more then a week knows EXACTLY what I’m talking. I have even thought about suicide, just to end the pain.

Bottom line is I don’t want to die. I just don’t want to be in pain. About 3 weeks ago I started getting weekly cortisone-like (i forgot the name of the drug but its basically cortisone) shots in my knee to help with the pain. It brought my constant daily pain from a 7.5 to maybe a solid 6 on good days. Again, I fall to old habits.

My boss is battling cancer, and knows of my pain (and how I have Lyme disease which I’m sure doesn’t help) and suggest a website to me that he uses for his medicinal marijuana products. Anyone who knows me, knows I smoke marijuana anyway. Yes, I have known the medicinal benefits and yada-yada, but I just enjoy it.

Well my order of assorted edibles, and my vape pen arrived aver a long anticipated 8 day turn around, my package arrived. I ate part of a chocolate bar last night, took a few vape hits (which is 92% THC, a bit higher then the shatter I normally can get) and went to sleep.

This morning i woke up, ate another piece off the chocolate bard, took a few more hits, and got in the shower. As I sat under the hot water I noticed something; for the first morning in years, I wasn’t in pain!! I mean i was a little groggy, but pain free! This shit works. In all my years of smoking pot, I never realized by just changing what strains I smoke/vape, and by eating another, its a fucking miracle drug. I feel human today. That, feels amazing…..

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