I know this tends to be a trend with others but I hate waking up in the middle of the night with racing thoughts, only to open my laptop, turn on the TV, open a book, or read a magazine article. My head wont stop thinking of what could be, what has been, and what might be. It’s a tough feeling to explain. I couldn’t stop thinking about a conversation i had with one of my best friends just a few hours ago.
It is such a curse to not be able to turn off my thoughts. I have tried literally everything but at the end of the day, it turns out the same.
This whole crypto-mining exploration has been a great distraction. I have learned a lot about the cryptocurrency market, and how to play it to my advantage.
I got to see one of my very close friends last night. She is one of those friends where I don’t get to see that often, but when I do, its either insightful, or always a good time. She said some things to me that hit hard and close to home. Either way, now I can’t stop thinking or let go of stupid basic shit.
Maybe writing this blog helps me, maybe it adds to the problem. This is anxiety, this is depression, this is bi-polar, this is me.
Well quick update: I was T-Boned in the brand new Jeep in Lawerence and it was such a hard impact, the Jeep was totaled. I was not at fault, deductibles being waived, no added points. Anyways…
I have since bought a new 2017 Jetta GLI. Absolutely love my new car. With winter rearing its head, it’s time to consider parking options at work. So far i can park on Dartmouth St or Arlington st for $140/mo which for those who know Boston, is quite cheap. Just as a comparison I searched open parking spots in the back bay on craigslist. HOLY S#!T! $395/mo? Wow.
I have decided to approach this with my boss in a tax write-off. He fronts my parking cost, deducts from my check, and writes it off on his taxes. Win/win right? Well we shall see…
Recently I decided MA wasn’t the state for me and it was that point in my life the relocation was the only answer. This whole process is moving quicker then i could imagine. Now I feel nervous and depressed. Yes, I want to leave, but I am starting over new. I know in my heart its time to leave. I have no friends around here anymore, and I want something new.
However as an introvert it scares the shit out of me. I hate meeting new people, and get terrified in the most basic situations. I’m also scared shitless to move. I don’t know if this is a good thing or the worst thing in the world for me.
I am also fearful that if I stay, bad habits will repeat themselves. The fact I’m scared, feel alone, and have no one to look to anymore is a recipe for a disastrous relapse, and that is the absolute lat thing I want. But if I feel is close and interment, is there power to stop?
I haven’t felt like this since February. And i hate that I do…
Well this is my first post, so nothing too captivating. I plan on keeping this semi-anonymous to be as honest as possible. This is mostly a blog about my life in the city and my daily encounters.
I will try to update as much as possible. Crazy things are always happening around Boston.